Preamble-Type-Thing

The HPV content of what went on between leaving home and arriving at the venue being low to negative, I'll just say that riding a Kingcycle round the centre of Kassel is much the same as riding a Kingcycle round the centre of any other town, i.e. you get stared at and asked silly questions, only in German. And also that I encountered a bicycle with a Shimano Positron rear mech. and front freewheel, but I'm not allowed to say "How silly" or anything like that as otherwise the owner of said bicycle will beat me up. And that driving on the right is at least ten times easier if you don't have to tow a damn great trailer. And now read on...

Thursday August 25th

Early closing in Lewisham. We departed from Kassel, armed with a large motor car, a Kingcycle, a crate of Becks and several tons of maps. Visited the memorial to Bernd Rosemeyer just off the autobahn between Frankfurt and Darmstadt. It rained, but then stopped. Arrived in Laupen in time to miss the Seminar (on the subject of Safety And Design), found nice Mr Organisationer, set up tent, strolled into town for dinner, encountered many of the regular crowd - Gunnar Fehlau, Curt Bjallby, Bram Moens (did you realise that the Word for Windows spelling checker turns this into "Bra Omens"?), Carl-Georg Rasmussen, Klaus Schlager etc. etc. But soft, what ugly face in yonder doorway breaks? Two of them, actually, Steve Slade and Jonathan Woolrich, the latter having solved the potential problems of shifting himself, Oscar The Egg and his goods and chattels from Berne airport to Laupen by accepting a berth in a Transit, courtesy of The Very Big Corporation Of High Wycombe, a.k.a. Kingcycle International plc. Perform usual killing-time-in-the-evening stuff, i.e. eat, drink, bore each other senseless on the subject of bicycles, go to sleep (not necessarily in that order).

Friday August 26th

Being clever, organised and generally together, Tina and I have meal tickets for breakfast in the cafe down by the railway. Being late arrivals, Steve and Jonathan do not. They are later heard complaining bitterly at having had to pay about eight quid each for something resembling a Continental breakfast, only smaller. Van/car unloading and machine assembly takes place; as well as the aforementioned Oscar (and the Velocino, natch), Team Somewhere To The West Of Central London have brought the Wasp, now with nose cone and fabric fairing, specifically designed to enable Pat Kinch to wallop all comers in the road race, plus the usual grotty old yellow thing for Mr Slade. They haven't brought Pat though; he is alleged to be making his own way with car, Kingcycle and lady friend (sorry, I never did find out your name...), but as the day wears on and the Mad Dog continues to be absent, the rumour mill goes into overdrive: Has the car broken down? Has Pat encountered a Swiss Cow in the last stages of some mortal illness? Is there another Laupen in, for example, Bosnia, Azerbaijan, or Essex? Can Pat actually tell the time and/or date? No, he was just late... Team Ross have also appeared, equipped with the faired XLR low bike for Richard Grigsby, a standard Ross bike with fairing for Peter (entered in the Commuter Vehicle category), and an arm-powered trike for anyone who fancied racing it, together with Richard's wife (Tracey?) and a gentleman who I think was called David.

The first "event" of the Championships was the vehicle inspection/safety test; the Swiss appear to take this very seriously. This involved demonstrating one's ability to go around reasonably tight corners and brake from a reasonable speed inside a reasonable distance, plus, in the case of the entrants in the Commuter Vehicle category, being able to see the ground a reasonable distance ahead of the machine (I think). Complete course, sign on the dotted line, get race numbers, get photographed looking very silly, take delivery of plastic bag containing two lumps of nutty confectionery and a Power Bar, reclaim deposit from race office. All very reasonable, though some types demonstrated a certain degree of over-exuberance in the braking test, thereby proving that you can make a recumbent stand on its front wheel, if you try hard enough. The Russians weren't quite so convinced as to the reasonableness of it all, though; having hauled their large-wheeled Speedy-type streamliner all the way from somewhere claimed by Jonathan to be in the Urals, they were a bit miffed to discover that:

The rest of the day was spent in the time-honoured tradition - lazing about, drinking beer, machine fettling, machine prodding etc. etc. More low bikes than ever before. The Vector Racing Team had forsaken their previous faired machinery in favour of five Flux low bikes, Guido Mertens and a huge and noisy Chevy pick-up. Other converts to the low machinery included Walter Zorn, whose machine sported full suspension. "How are you up the hills this year?" we asked. "Much better", replied Herr Zorn, with the usual smile. A new innovation from Holland - wooden wheels. Another new innovation from somewhere else - a fairly normal looking recumbent bike with a sort of triangulated box-section frame, with the holes covered in clear plastic sheeting. The clever bit was that the whole transmission was inside the frame - I wish I'd had a closer look. A new innovation from Germany - Thomas Klein has forsaken his chopped-and-channelled Speedy for a BumbleBike, of which there are now five in evidence. And the Brichet-designed Nilgo III bike, winner of everything in Roubaix, which appears to be a carbon/kevlar semi-monocoque with detachable nose and tail sections, and just looks evil. Darmstadt University's Stefan Gloger has replaced the old "Ski-Lift" with something narrower (but still very large). An unexpected arrival; Miles and John Kingsbury have decided to come on the spur of the moment. Sadly, no sign of Dipl. Ing. Eggert Bülk - author of "Aerodynamics Of HPV's - Fundamentals Without Formulae" (coming soon at a Newsletter near you...) - which annoyed Tina (who translated it into English) considerably, as she wanted to:

Saturday August 27th

Morning. The hill-climb. Whose idea was this??? Assembled in the square and looked up - the start of the route is steep and cobbled, but appears to be better further up. The previous evening, Jonathan, Tina and I had climbed up to the castle, erroneously believing that this was where the course went. No, no, it was far longer than that, at least a mile, disappearing through the trees in the general direction of the sun. Anyway, we were despatched at roughly thirty second intervals and hurtled skywards, except those of us who didn't. Peter Ross was spotted having one or two problems getting his feet into the clips, while I managed that OK, only for the chain to come off after half a turn of the pedals. Swear horribly, put chain back on, ascend, collapse in a heap at the top, manage a half-hearted "Woof" when Pat finished, have monster fun riding down again at about 45 mph.

Anyway, Bram Moens made the climb in five minutes dead, which works out at 13.5 mph in real money, with Pat second, four seconds behind. Slash got twelfth, in 5:46, while Richard suffered horrendous chain problems and did 7:55 for 41st in the Racing Vehicle class. Peter did 10:18, for 44th in the Commuter Vehicle category, won by Martin Staubach in 5:24, while sensible Jonathan decided to give it a miss and took pictures instead. Ah, you've noticed there's a British competitor not mentioned in the above results, haven't you? Not my fault, Guv, I'm not listed at all, chiz chiz. Dutch duo Allert Jacobs and John Poot took the tandem category with the M5 tandem in 5:25, now with a bag, while the arm-powered race also fell to a Bram Moens machine, this one resembling an arm-powered Speedy, with Kees van Breukelen taking 13:41 for the ascent.

Lunch-time. The rail event. I confess I didn't get to see any of this, due to being lazy and incompetent, and the only vehicle I saw was Bernard & Françoise Magnoloux' device; a conventional tandem with luggage trailer, which could be transformed into a pedal-powered Deltic in a few seconds. With this device, they were the first cyclists to reach some place in the wilds of Canada, which is accessible only by air or rail, but then they're probably mad anyway - they cycled to the North Cape, on LWB recumbents, in winter! The best time for the 200m sprint was 12.55 seconds (57.37 km/h, 35.66 mph), by Katrin Ranger's Low Tech Train, a world record (it sez 'ere).

Afternoon. The crit. This was held round an industrial estate on the outskirts of town, on a fairly flat rectangular circuit about half a mile round. For the big categories (Race & Commuter vehicles) the event is run in heats, with the first four going through to the final, while the tandems and arm-powered competitors have the just the one go. In view of the theme of Thursday's seminar, it was slightly ironic to see the number of crashes in this event; amongst the victims were Walter Zorn (seriously grazed arms and legs), BumbleBiker Christoph Kieser (no apparent damage but later seen having his ribs bandaged up), Nilgo pilot Laurent Chapuis (a few scratches on the bike), me (dead rear wheel), two of the Vector team (no damage I could see, but Peter Ross says they were being rather rude about the person whose own accident they had been trying to avoid (i.e. me)), a German on an unfaired SWB, who was very grateful when I gave him his handlebar plug back afterwards, plus I think one or two others which I missed while walking back to the pits. Of the Brits, only Pat and Steve make it through to the final.

The Commuter Vehicle final is first; Bernd Bleckmann spends the whole race trying to shake off Martin Staubach, and fails - Martin attacking with half a lap to go and winning fairly comfortably. Next up is the arm-powered crew. Kees van Breukelen annihilates the opposition in a big way. The results are listed separately for wheelchair-bound competitors and those who are not; it is a bit of a surprise to find our own Richard Grigsby in the former category, but happily he seems to have made a full recovery. Next the five tandems; the aforementioned M5, a Presto Counterpoint type (conventional back end, recumbent front) with a father-and-son crew, two fairly conventional tandems (one with those ludicrous Spengle tri-spoke wheels which are about as aerodynamic as Windsor Castle) and one low-level back-to-back job. Unsurprisingly, Messrs Jacobs and Poot win by a Lot. Finally the Big Boys go out to play. The circuit is the sort to suit a light vehicle with a light rider, preferably one totally devoid of imagination, thus it will come as no surprise that Steve Slade wins by 12 seconds over Bram. Pat is not entirely happy with the handling of the Wasp on the corners, so finishes back in eighth after running a slightly-off-the-pace second for a while in an attempt to hold up Bram while Steve built up a lead. Usual stuff in the evening - bike-fettling, beer-drinking etc. etc. Pat has sportingly agreed to lend me his Kingcycle's rear wheel for the road race, chiz curses; I now have no excuse for staying in bed.

Sunday August 28th

The road race. Aaaaarrrghhhh! I mean, Denmark's 63 km was quite far enough, thank you very much, and at least one had the opportunity of retiring with a Mystery Virus after a lap or two, or getting lapped by madmen in Speedies. But the cunning Swiss have other ideas - the race is but a single lap of a 98 km circuit, though the sensible types in the Commuter category have only 57 km or so, not having to do a lap of the Murtensee like wot we did. Also the cunning Swiss have decided to test everyone's ability to get under way without assistance, by specifying a Le-Mans start. Thus at 9 am sharp(ish), the Commuter class stood on one side of the road and their machines lay on the other, the gun went and they stooged off into the distance. Half an hour or so later, it's our turn. I set the tone for the entire day by falling over in the car park before even getting to the start line, then stand helplessly watching my home-brewed Camelbak substitute (four-pint milk container, piece of plastic tube) leaking its contents onto the road and seat. The gun goes, umpteen Charlies run across the road and a few walk. Head out of Laupen on a nice flat smooth road - hope that the entire course is going to be like this. After approximately a mile, Nilgo is sidelined by a flat tyre, but once fixed Laurent disappears into the distance at a great rate. The first bit of the race is really quite nice apart from the odd climb - I'm gaily trundling along at a pace somewhat higher than I normally manage at the likes of Eastway and Hetton - when we finish our lap of the Murtensee, turn a corner and come into the hilly bit. Swarms of Dutch rotters who had earlier been eating my dust cruise past, oblivious to my entreaties of "Come back and fight, you bloody cowards". To add injury to insult, both calves and both buttocks cramp up simultaneously, and I'm obliged to stop and jump up and down howling for a while until normal service is resumed. Things improve gradually, until the last descent, which is a total Monster - I clocked 50 mph and Pat 59. Jonathan claims 70, but he would, wouldn't he? Ah yes, the fast boys, I'd forgotten about them. Well, Pat is leading easily, but then suffers both a puncture and transmission problems, whereupon he gets passed by Christoph Kieser's BumbleBike and is unable to make up the deficit; Christoph coming home in 1:56 with our boy Pat some five and a half minutes behind. Pat tells the following story: "Miles and John are following in the van; we've turned onto the run-in to the finish and they've just told me that second place is secure, when that French thing comes past at about 45". Happily for Pat, said French thing then suffers another flat in roughly the same place as the earlier one, and Laurent pushes home, being passed by Andreas Weigel's Lightning X2 and Bram, and ending up with fifth place. Or is he? Rumours abound in the start/finish area that M. Chapuis has taken a short-cut. Someone else said he got lost. The Organisationers are appealing for witnesses. Did he? Didn't he? Was it all a ghastly miscarriage of justice? Well, the results sheet sent by the Organisationers some time afterwards still credits him with fifth, as well as winning the "High-Speed Check" at 66.6 km/h. We also find that, during the Commuter race, Martin Staubach has lost an argument with a car and bent both himself and his bike quite badly; happily he seemed not to have been too badly damaged as he was later spotted walking around wrapped in bandages. While all this is happening, Slash came in 14th, two places ahead of Jonathan, and Richard twenty-first. Jonathan decides to cruise back down the road to wind down, then cramps up and falls over when attempting to turn round, so Yours Truly is more than a little surprised to see him walking in when I roll up after just over three hours. The results give me 42nd, but I don't think that this is true, as several people swear that the allegedly 44th-placed Axel Sarnoch crossed the line holding hands with Julia Reisdorff and Gregor Heinrich, who were credited with a time half an hour quicker. So, forty-third out of 44. Next year I must try riding the bike more than ten miles in the fortnight before the championships... The Commuter vehicle race is won by Swiss Reto Wynistorf, in 1:24, with Peter 30th in 1:53. The tandems did the full 98 km, with Messrs Jacobs & Poot destroying all comers, finishing in 2:06, forty-five minutes ahead of the next crew. The arm-powered machines did the 57 km course; Kees van Breukelen taking 2:24.

After this there was allegedly a prize-giving, but Jonathan, Tina and I missed it, preferring to lie around and drink beer instead, then have dinner and more beer. The remainder of the party have gone into Berne for eats and are astonished to find that a Bernese pizzeria... ...doesn't sell pizza!

Monday August 29th

And on the Monday we all went home. To sum up: Great fun! Nice weather, well-organised, not outrageously over-regulated in spite of the daunting-looking rule-book. Next year it's the turn of the Dutch again; in Eindhoven this time, and to be combined with the IHPVA Championships. With Eindhoven being readily accessible by HPV from the Hook of Holland, there are plans afoot for the British contingent to ride over in convoy, with Chairman Mike doubtless displaying his unparalleled navigational ability again (sorry Mike, but we'll probably be driving coz we want to go to Germany afterwards...)

P.S. Mega-thanks to Murph & Christine for the loan of their tent!